running

Last week I decided we didn't really need groceries and that the handy little feature my car insurance offers for deferring payment a few days would come in handy. In lieu of these items, I got a treadmill. (On a side note, I really need to cancel my gym membership. I haven't been there in a full year, I'm not quite sure how long of a contract I signed ... ) Ostensibly, the dogs would also benefit from this purchase.

Since accidentally owning a dingo, we have been trying to train her to properly use a leash, to no avail. She's just too damn fast (up to 30mph) and our pedestrian speeds simply annoy her. Despite possessing webbed feet, she is afraid of water, so swimming to get some energy out never worked either. Her natural state of affairs is ramped up and nervous. After watching a few too many episodes of The Dog Whisperer, a lightbulb lit. Oooh, the dingo could use a treadmill. Right.

So far, this idea has failed miserably. Just like with the swimming idea, our yappy ball of fur who could care less about expending energy on anything useful is much more interested. The dingo cowers, the yappy dog yaps and bats at the treadmill. Fun stuff. I doubt Cesar's crew would fit in my garage, otherwise, I might try to get him to teach the wacko. Maybe one of these days? Yeah, I know. I doubt it too.

I have used the grocery replacement regularly though. After convincing my son that screaming, "Run Fat Ass, Run!!!" while watching me was not good for his health, it has been much more pleasant for me. In fact, I have shaved nearly four minutes off my mile time this week. The bad news is that I'd have to shave another ten or so to make it an even slightly respectable time. :) Considering I have never run on a treadmill before, I'm OK with that. I've walked on them often. Forty plus minutes four days a week with my own personal trainer the summer- winter a year ago. I just refused to actually let go of the machine, so it never counted as running. Walking at 7mph caused me great pain, and is probably how I injured my knee, ending my training. *shrugs*

At first I listened to Alice in Chains, which was a Bad Idea. Nothing like suicidal thoughts and drug lust to get you motivated to move. :S The next day I switched to Rage Against the Machine. That was better. Rage gets me moving, always. (They also take the blame for my multiple speeding tickets one year when I played nothing but "Evil Empire" in my car.) After a few days, I started to think too much. I was pushing myself to run another 15 seconds while being motivated by political wrongdoings and General world evil? Could I really use oppression as a reason to make my ass stop jiggling? It just seemed kind of wrong.

Then I switched to 50 Cent. Now, I can imagine myself as a chunked up Fiddy trying to outrun the guys in his neighborhood who want to kick his ass for being such a cocky twat. This seems to work well for me. I mean, who can't picture a little extra jiggle in 50's ass? I suspect next I will have to become DMX, cracked out and running from the cops. There's nowhere to go but up from there.