Dear Gumby,

I can't believe it's been 11 years since you've been gone. Sometimes it feels like it's been that long since I've had fun. I know it hasn't, but it's sporadic now, and different. I can't go back to our bar without a stab of pain because you're not there. In fact, dear Donna sold the place last year. After the initial feeling of, "Oh man, all the fucking times Gumby and Spar tried to buy it and got turned down are really annoying now," my second reaction was horror over the idea that the new owners might take down your little memorial on the wall, and that the monthly calendar would never again note your birth and death days. No one there now knows you died in the bar you loved. Ouch. That hurts the most. To them, you'll be nothing but a cranky ghost screeching in a Krusty the Clown voice for your "pint of Dewars, no ice!!" That is, if they even hear you at all. I hope your haunting has taken on a feverish pitch, rather than slowing down.

My pain over missing you has slowed down. I don't even usually feel guilty about that. You don't mind, right? No, I didn't think so. Despite all the crap you gave me, and everyone else, I know you cared about me. Chris even said you were in love with me. I think he was just stinging after I rejected his offer to take me to your funeral. He had never offered to be there for me like that before, but it was already too late, and the idea of how pissed you would've been to see him there drove that home like nothing else could have. I'm sure you're glad I told him that. His response was that he was surprised to know that you didn't like him. When I pointed out that you knew most of the things that he had done during our relationship, he said, "Ahhh, it all makes sense now. I saw the way he looked at you when you weren't looking, but now I know he was in love with you." It has never occurred to me before now that he wasn't being honest. I guess it doesn't matter either way though, does it? I liked the idea of you knowing I'd turned him down because you disliked the way he treated me. I wish I'd done it while you were alive.

Anyway, I'm freezing and rambling and losing my train of thought, sure signs of sobriety. I hope you're drinking with impunity and enjoying the show.