You can never tell what will push someone over the edge between "acceptable" and "I've had enough of this shit". Sometimes you just assume that if someone has put up with ridiculous stuff, just about anything will be OK. Sometimes life reminds you of that whole saying about assuming making an ass out of you and me.
David was able to overlook the fact that I didn't want to leave the bar with him the first night we spoke until I finished doing dishes, even though I didn't work there. He was able to overlook the fact that when we got to the hotel room that magically appeared for us, I forgot to remove my tampon before sex and screeched and screamed at the top of my lungs about how much it hurt. He didn't seem too put out by the fact that I was pissed off to learn the next morning that I had apparently offered to drive him somewhere and I kept muttering about how I hadn't wanted to sleep with anyone I just met ever again.
On the contrary, he was exceedingly polite and inviting. I often visited him at his mother's apartment, where he was staying for a month or so in between races. When I sucked his dick in the living room where a two foot pace would've enabled his mother or grandfather to see us, swallowed, choked, ran to the sink and then spit, sputtering "My Gawd! What the hell do you eat?? That tasted HORRIBLE!!! I've never tasted anything LIKE it!!" he actually seemed rather amused.
He more than tolerated a drunken night visiting his friends in a town five and a half hours away that resulted in me saying the wrong name when his friend asked if I even knew who I was there with. He started forgiving me rather quickly after he realized I had no memory of accusing him of taking advantage of me. He didn't even get too annoyed when his grandfather fell ill on Christmas Eve and instead of being alone in the apartment we had to go to the bar bathroom.
He was rather good natured about my little rant on New Year's Eve concerning sex in a car, especially in the fucking cold. He even laughed the next night when his friend's dog knocked open the door and started licking my tit and I freaked out.
The next night, however, was the last night. What the fuck else could I have done to this guy?
I tickled his butt in the bar.
OK, so it was repeatedly and in front of his friends and he asked me nicely to stop about ten times, but hey, who would've known he had limits?
******Ahhhh, I wrote this years ago for that other place I used to blog. Today, while chatting with one of the mothers at homeschool co-op, we realized that her husband's best friend is the guy in this piece. Awkward.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
fluffy undies
Yeah, yeah, got sucked in again. Read all about undies here.
Underwear Survey from Quizopolis.com
What's your favorite underwear you own?
None. I don't give a fuck about underwear. There were a few pairs that actually got me laid a few times, but they also gave me crotch rot, so ... I have sensitive junk, like I can't switch toilet paper or soap without issues, so all cotton, white, boring ass shit keeps me smelling better. I can pretend I look fuckable and stink and scratch, or be boring. *shrugs*
What's the worst pair of underwear you own?
Hmm, I think I tossed the flowered granny panties I accidentally bought once. My ex thought my left behind cartoon character underwear were going to get him arrested for being a pedo if he ever got raided, so in his opinion, those were the worst. Not sure why he thought he was going to get raided ...
What's the most embarrassing underwear you own?
The kind where the dog ate the crotch and for some stupid reason I keep forgetting to toss the bitches, keep washing them and end up wearing them because I am lazy and wait until the last pair is used to wash more.
What's your favorite color of underwear?
Unstained
What color underwear will you not wear?
I wear underwear my dog ate, do you think I have standards?
What's your favorite underwear on a member of the opposite sex?
Commando
What underwear do you hate seeing on a member of the opposite sex?
Any?
Have you ever lost your underwear while out somewhere?
Yes, yes I have. On several occasions, usually if they weren't bunched up in my pants/clothes, I didn't even bother looking before trying to sneak out. Of course, that was generally a failure, since I had no clue where I was, was still drunk and needed to ask for directions home. (Once from a whole ... 4ish blocks from "home".) I also once drunkenly sharted and decided tossing my underwear while wearing a dress with an unpredictable ass was a good idea. I was lucky it turned out relatively OK.
Have you ever found someone's underwear while out somewhere?
Yes. More than once, even. Apparently I'm not the only one with the aforementioned shart/toss idea BUT *I* wrapped mine up and placed them in the garbage, thank you very much.
How often do you buy new underwear?
Not often enough. I keep putting it off until I lose weight. But I've gained weight since my initial decision to wait until my ass was smaller to spend money on it, so I either have to get to work, or give in.
Do you buy underwear for anyone but yourself?
Yes. Clone Wars briefs yesterday, even.
Where do you like to buy your underwear?
Wherever I happen to be when I break down and grab some.
Do you have a favorite brand of underwear?
Whatever the dog hasn't eaten.
Is there anywhere you refuse to buy underwear?
Yeah, Amelia's thrift store idea is a good one.
Do you own any novelty underwear?
Technically, the dog created crotchless for me ... Hmm, actually, I might still have a leather set around, not that they'd fit anymore ...
Have you ever bought novelty underwear for anyone?
I don't know. I keep having horrid sock/thong in leopard print visions, but luckily, I've supressed whatever it is causing those visions enough to doubt my role in purchasing them.
Have you ever worn someone else's underwear?
Plenty of times. I always forget to pack em.
Has anyone else ever worn your underwear?
Yeah, but not often.
What type of underwear do you wear most?
Cotton.
Is there any kind of underwear you refuse to wear?
Well, um, I'd like to say granny panties, but I think now if it was granny or eaten, I'd pick the bloomers.
Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com http://www.quizopolis.com/survey/4614/Underwear-Survey/
Underwear Survey from Quizopolis.com
What's your favorite underwear you own?
None. I don't give a fuck about underwear. There were a few pairs that actually got me laid a few times, but they also gave me crotch rot, so ... I have sensitive junk, like I can't switch toilet paper or soap without issues, so all cotton, white, boring ass shit keeps me smelling better. I can pretend I look fuckable and stink and scratch, or be boring. *shrugs*
What's the worst pair of underwear you own?
Hmm, I think I tossed the flowered granny panties I accidentally bought once. My ex thought my left behind cartoon character underwear were going to get him arrested for being a pedo if he ever got raided, so in his opinion, those were the worst. Not sure why he thought he was going to get raided ...
What's the most embarrassing underwear you own?
The kind where the dog ate the crotch and for some stupid reason I keep forgetting to toss the bitches, keep washing them and end up wearing them because I am lazy and wait until the last pair is used to wash more.
What's your favorite color of underwear?
Unstained
What color underwear will you not wear?
I wear underwear my dog ate, do you think I have standards?
What's your favorite underwear on a member of the opposite sex?
Commando
What underwear do you hate seeing on a member of the opposite sex?
Any?
Have you ever lost your underwear while out somewhere?
Yes, yes I have. On several occasions, usually if they weren't bunched up in my pants/clothes, I didn't even bother looking before trying to sneak out. Of course, that was generally a failure, since I had no clue where I was, was still drunk and needed to ask for directions home. (Once from a whole ... 4ish blocks from "home".) I also once drunkenly sharted and decided tossing my underwear while wearing a dress with an unpredictable ass was a good idea. I was lucky it turned out relatively OK.
Have you ever found someone's underwear while out somewhere?
Yes. More than once, even. Apparently I'm not the only one with the aforementioned shart/toss idea BUT *I* wrapped mine up and placed them in the garbage, thank you very much.
How often do you buy new underwear?
Not often enough. I keep putting it off until I lose weight. But I've gained weight since my initial decision to wait until my ass was smaller to spend money on it, so I either have to get to work, or give in.
Do you buy underwear for anyone but yourself?
Yes. Clone Wars briefs yesterday, even.
Where do you like to buy your underwear?
Wherever I happen to be when I break down and grab some.
Do you have a favorite brand of underwear?
Whatever the dog hasn't eaten.
Is there anywhere you refuse to buy underwear?
Yeah, Amelia's thrift store idea is a good one.
Do you own any novelty underwear?
Technically, the dog created crotchless for me ... Hmm, actually, I might still have a leather set around, not that they'd fit anymore ...
Have you ever bought novelty underwear for anyone?
I don't know. I keep having horrid sock/thong in leopard print visions, but luckily, I've supressed whatever it is causing those visions enough to doubt my role in purchasing them.
Have you ever worn someone else's underwear?
Plenty of times. I always forget to pack em.
Has anyone else ever worn your underwear?
Yeah, but not often.
What type of underwear do you wear most?
Cotton.
Is there any kind of underwear you refuse to wear?
Well, um, I'd like to say granny panties, but I think now if it was granny or eaten, I'd pick the bloomers.
Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com http://www.quizopolis.com/survey/4614/Underwear-Survey/
Friday, March 09, 2012
15 Qs
15 Would You Rather Questions Survey from Quizopolis.com
Be a poison tester or suicide bomber?
- Poison tester. Normal healthy food doesn't agree with me, what are the odds that poison would actually harm me?
Fat and short or fat and tall
- I am already fat and sorta tall, why shrink? Then I'd never be able to say shit like, "Your face only reaches my boobs, bring it." again.
Wet and cold or dry and hot
- Dry and hot. Or wet and hot really, just FUCKING HOT. I'm sticking with Amelia's answer.
Vampire or a cat
- Ugh. Blood or fish for dinner?? Hmm, I guess vampire, at least then I could have hot food every now and then.
Be george lopez or brad pitt
- Brad Pitt. Really, who *doesn't* want the chance to bang Angelina Jolie??
Eat sand or dirt
- I've had sand in my mouth and it just stays there, gritty and clinking. I'll take dirt, nice clean dirt.
Be 30 or 1
- Um, let's go with being 1 again, but the 1 in whatever country it is that considers you 1 when you're born.
Pro skater boarder or singer
- Do I have a good dental plan? If so, I'll take skill and balance.
Eat metal or bugs
- Definitely metal. I've had enough Goldschlagger in my life to either have already shit the equivalent to (of?) a gold nugget, or have one hanging around inside me, waiting to escape. ("Yes, I have gold to exchange, but the extraction process isn't going to be fun for any of us.")
Be a monkey or wolf man
- Hmmm, fling poop or howl at the moon?? I guess I'll howl.
Work at google or bing
- Whichever pays more and requires less. Duh.
Make a board game or video game
- Board game would be much easier.
Mini cooper or mustang
- I miss my MINI. *sniffle* Only if it's turbo though.
Dead or alive
- Sure, I prefer my dinner to be dead.
Singer or actor
- A singer, but a singer like the guys in the Gorillaz, where they use lots of computer shit to distort the voice and no one ever sees me.
There are other people doing this one today, but I'm too lazy to look for a link right now.
Edit:: Ahh, I was asked nicely, so I'm throwing some blood, sweat and tears into it and linking to JesterQueen. ;)
Be a poison tester or suicide bomber?
- Poison tester. Normal healthy food doesn't agree with me, what are the odds that poison would actually harm me?
Fat and short or fat and tall
- I am already fat and sorta tall, why shrink? Then I'd never be able to say shit like, "Your face only reaches my boobs, bring it." again.
Wet and cold or dry and hot
- Dry and hot. Or wet and hot really, just FUCKING HOT. I'm sticking with Amelia's answer.
Vampire or a cat
- Ugh. Blood or fish for dinner?? Hmm, I guess vampire, at least then I could have hot food every now and then.
Be george lopez or brad pitt
- Brad Pitt. Really, who *doesn't* want the chance to bang Angelina Jolie??
Eat sand or dirt
- I've had sand in my mouth and it just stays there, gritty and clinking. I'll take dirt, nice clean dirt.
Be 30 or 1
- Um, let's go with being 1 again, but the 1 in whatever country it is that considers you 1 when you're born.
Pro skater boarder or singer
- Do I have a good dental plan? If so, I'll take skill and balance.
Eat metal or bugs
- Definitely metal. I've had enough Goldschlagger in my life to either have already shit the equivalent to (of?) a gold nugget, or have one hanging around inside me, waiting to escape. ("Yes, I have gold to exchange, but the extraction process isn't going to be fun for any of us.")
Be a monkey or wolf man
- Hmmm, fling poop or howl at the moon?? I guess I'll howl.
Work at google or bing
- Whichever pays more and requires less. Duh.
Make a board game or video game
- Board game would be much easier.
Mini cooper or mustang
- I miss my MINI. *sniffle* Only if it's turbo though.
Dead or alive
- Sure, I prefer my dinner to be dead.
Singer or actor
- A singer, but a singer like the guys in the Gorillaz, where they use lots of computer shit to distort the voice and no one ever sees me.
There are other people doing this one today, but I'm too lazy to look for a link right now.
Edit:: Ahh, I was asked nicely, so I'm throwing some blood, sweat and tears into it and linking to JesterQueen. ;)
Friday, March 02, 2012
Thursday, March 01, 2012
uh
The shock of his death rattled us all somewhere so deep we kept trying to rebury the pain, afraid that if it was allowed to surface, it would never again be content simmering deep within the confines of our hearts. Or maybe that was just me and I'm projecting, but I don't think so. When the guy who occasionally became the butt of "liver failure" jokes, partially out of concern, but mostly because we all expected him to be there forever, had a lethal heart attack out of nowhere at the ripe "old" age of thirty, pause was given. Questions concerning who dies and when and why bubbled into our brains.
Beyond and behind the immediate grief came creeping thoughts like "It could have just as easily been me. We ate Burger King and drank together and passed out on the same wretched sofa every day for years. Hell, he paid for me to do that for years." The future I was never sure I wanted no longer seemed to be a given. With his death, at least a few of us pondered our own lives more than we ever had before.
Trifecta's word this week is "wretched" and I seriously think I broke my brain. I can't even think of a title.
Beyond and behind the immediate grief came creeping thoughts like "It could have just as easily been me. We ate Burger King and drank together and passed out on the same wretched sofa every day for years. Hell, he paid for me to do that for years." The future I was never sure I wanted no longer seemed to be a given. With his death, at least a few of us pondered our own lives more than we ever had before.
Trifecta's word this week is "wretched" and I seriously think I broke my brain. I can't even think of a title.
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