January Sucks

I've been trying, and trying and trying some more to come up with something good, something wholly funny and just plain fun that ever happened to me in any January. I'm drawing a blank. I can think of many, many things that happened in Januarys, but they're not the things I'd like to remember while I'm hoping the days grow longer soon.

I met John in January. I've covered that already. He now falls into the bittersweet category anyway.

That's it. That's my whole list of things that don't suck that happened in January. A lot of the things I remember aren't horrible, but they're such reminders of ... Something I don't recall as fun at the moment. Some of the events make for the kind of stories that would make you shake your head, half in laughter, half in disgust and wonder what to make of the whole convoluted mess. I don't feel like being mired in the "holy shit" of it all.

I started a new college in January. There was a blizzard that January. I got lost on my way to class every single time I even bothered to try to attend class that January. Hmm, not fun. Well, it had it's slightly amusing moments. I mostly just remember it as gray now.

I got dumped in a bar for tickling my boyfriend's butt one too many times in front of his friends in January. That's kinda funny. The fact that my ex who made me feel guilty and like a horrible human being was there to witness it kinda lessens the fun. As does the part where I went home with some random stranger that night who ended up being hung like, like ... uh, I guess one of those dildos you see and do an involuntary giggle, wondering how that would feel good. Yeah, that part was kinda funny, kinda pathetic.

Too bad it led to me pissing blood for a week, the final straw coming when I saw only blood and screamed in pain, while visiting a friend who lived four hours away from me. My friend came to pick me up and take me to the hospital. We stopped to see my daughter's father, who had gotten out of the Air Force "for us, and our daughter". The first thing we saw when walking in the door of his mother's house was his infant son, who hadn't been mentioned in the fairy tale he spun.

Then the pain pills led to some very interesting nights that are pretty amusing in a microcosm. As a whole, and part of one week, and the end of that particular month? Yeah, banging the resident crackhead in the bar bathroom is even more pathetic than if it had been part of some random time frame.

There are some pretty crappy pregnancy stories involving Januarys. There's just nothing funny about any of them.

Let's see ... I had fun with Patrick in January. But not much, he pretty much pushed me out of his life in January. The funniest part of that night involved something terribly not funny in retrospect as well. Well, it's one of those things that's funny in a "holy shit" kinda way, again.

Um ...

My boyfriend found out he had cancer in January. I dumped him later in the month, partially because of how he and his family acted about that whole deal. Really, when I'm the most rational and ready to confront reality person in the room, there's a big fucking problem. Who pretends a cancerous tumor the size of a freaking baseball doesn't exist while it's being removed, then pretends it never existed as the doctor is explaining it to them, and then ignores the whole fucking thing as soon as the patient wakes up from the operation?? The guy had surgery that took place through his penis, and they had him taking his nephew to the aquarium less than two hours later. Hello?!? (He was actually perfectly fine by the time I dumped him, btw). Yeah, nothing funny there either.

Yeah, OK. Just fuck January. Unless I make something ridiculously wonderful happen in the next five days or so, I think I'm going to hibernate through next January. I bet I have some funny shit that happened in February though ...