I'm in shock, really. A large part of me simply can't fathom that this is my fifteen year bar anniversary. I never expected to see five years of bar time, let alone fifteen. Not that I've seen too much bar time in the past, oh, too many years, but . . . I also never expected my friend whose birthday preceded mine by a day to have only been alive for the first five bar anniversaries.
I had two goals for my first bar night -- I wanted to drink so much I puked, and I wanted to have a one night stand. I puked all over my one night stand's bathroom, and wondered aloud the next morning if I had even bothered to ask his name. (I had, and apparently repeated it numerous times in a horrible Spanish accent for no discernible reason. He was white and his name was Christian.). I found that my clothes were caked in mud and I had no idea how to get home.
"Don't you remember falling into a mud pile? Several times."
"Your friends live about two blocks in that direction."
Oh. OK.
That's just the tip of the iceberg concerning a night that began with me swaying on the corner near the bar, waiting for the magical Cinderella time that allowed me to enter the doors to heaven. I got distracted by some cracks in the sidewalk and walked in around 12:15. My friends and I were putting together pieces of that night nearly six years after the fact, and bars in PA close at 2AM. Even that is only a small indication of how ridiculous the evening was.
When I look back to those days, I long for the freedom I enjoyed. But I wasn't really free, and I never even felt like I was. I think maybe I miss having such close friends in close proximity and readily available. I miss not realizing getting wasted and doing stupid shit gets old, and watching others do so gets old even quicker. I miss the two block radius that held my world. I miss always having something to do.
Perhaps since my 21st birthday has had so many anniversaries, I can now see that there are just as many things I don't miss. No one who drinks that much, that often is in a great mental state. She may pretend to be, but she just can't be. Escapism isn't necessary if you're happy with the world you inhabit.
So, I'll try not to dwell on the party week I used to celebrate for my birthday. I'll try not to cry while spending my night wondering how long it will take the for gurgling gas I hear coming from the boring ass body next to me to reach my nose. I've done both in the past, today I'll choose neither.
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I hung out in bars for somewhere between 6-8 years. I loved it at the time - there was nothing else in my world. I still go out ocassionally, but not every night for up to 8 hours a night, and I don't drink like it's going out of style anymoer. I definitely don't miss the whole bar drama.
ReplyDeleteI was a pretty much non drinker when I turned 21. A nice big car accident when I was 17 scared me straight. And then I was always trying to be a 'good influence' on my stupid alcoholic pill popping ex boyfriend. It wasn't until....I'm going to say I was 25 that I rediscovered the joys of not being sober. I just hid it from the stupid ex. In the dishwasher. But I never really went to bars. Just drank with friends wherever we were. Procreation/attempting to procreate has put a damper on it again. Don't worry, I'll be back.
ReplyDeleteMariah-- Within 3 days of turning 21, every bartender in "our" bar, complete with 3 separate rooms, knew my name and that I never paid for my drinks. :). We fluctuated between not getting there before midnight and staying until 5AM, and getting there around 3 and staying until 5AM. My friend was a DJ, and we had this thing where as long as we got back to our bar by 1:50, all was right in the world, and we could drink until the morning. I actually slept on barstools, benches and chairs there, using tablecloths for a blanket. Hell, the cleaning guy knew me and let me bring the guy I was dating in after the bar closed on Christmas Eve. It was crazy, completely crazy.
ReplyDeleteAmelia-- Yuck. Both the accident and the ex sound delightful. I drank a few times when I was like 12-13, then not again until halfway through 20. It must have felt ridiculous hiding your drinking from an alcoholic. Alcohol is one area where I have achieved moderation in the past. It's not really easy to maintain though, so I choose to stay away. I'm really glad I never drank at home.