After some not-very-obsessive searching for this guy, I finally found a recent address. (I lied, it was slightly obsessive. Other people paid to find the info and couldn't. OK, maybe slightly is understatement too, but I did often go months without trying.) Of course, the address alone tells me very little about his life. Sure, I know he's got an exclusive zipcode and lives only slightly over 2 hours away, near an area I hated when I visited him before, but what does that really tell me? I don't know if he's married to his job, or his boat, or waiting for same sex marriage to be legal in his state. (I hope he's not holding his breath if that's the case.)
Basically, now that I have an address, I'm scared to use it. I want to send something that shows some effort, doesn't look creepy, and most of all, something that makes him smile and hopefully want to contact me. Of course I want him to see it, and decide he can't waste another minute, he has to call me, but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. And what if it did? What do I have to offer, even by way of a decent conversation? Not much. I don't want to tell him the truth about my life now. I don't want to skirt around any questions aimed my way, or just start crying about how much I miss him.
And what if he doesn't respond? Could I handle that? I'm not so sure any amount of bracing myself would soften that blow. So I don't know what I'd do if he does or doesn't respond. Awesome.
I just know I need to decide soon, in case he moves again.
I was going to send an anonymous card cuz I'm a fat loser. That just seems dumb though, because if he knows it's me and wants to contact me, he wouldn't be able to. I could give my last name and any zipcode within a 60 mile radius and I wouldn't be easily found. All three colleges I attended had someone with the same name, the same years I was there. I worked with one of them for a few weeks. So, then I considered sending something with my name, but no address -- same dumb dilemma. I want to send everything and have him try every single way to contact me as soon as he gets it. I want to tell him I'm a big fat loser who doesn't deserve a moment of his time, but I'd love to have it. Maybe I'll try that mythical magic ground and send some funny reminder of our past and put a return address on the envelope and hope for the best.
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You are not a fat loser. You are damn funny, super entertaining and extremely giving. I'm lucky you're my friend.
ReplyDeleteBesides, maybe he's gained some poundage. You never know.
Nope. He started running and sailing. He gained muscle and stopped smoking. :). Our friend dying hit him hard. I was always bigger than him anyway. He's little.
DeleteWell my previous comments stand.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you call and/or go visit him? I've found in my journey through life it's usually better if you reach out with intention than hinting around, hoping someone understands what you want and respond in kind.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't find a phone number, but I'm going to keep trying. I didn't find him on a normal website, it was some serious sleuth work, because he puts his homes in company names, etc. to stay out of public records and internet searches. He works, travels for work, sails and runs, so my odds of finding him at home aren't the best. Maybe if it was only an hour away, or if I had lots of time to wait for him to show up, but I kinda think that although writing isn't exactly an appealing option, that's where it's gotta be. If he does respond, I'll certainly make a trip.
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