Determination

I generally don't have specific goals or requirements. Often my thinking leans toward "anything BUT . . ." rather than "I am going to accomplish . . ." My college major was decided the semester I failed every class except one. That B+ amidst the sea of F's meant English was for me. *shrug* I take going with the flow to wastewater treatment release proportions. When I want something, I'm stubborn as hell, but often, I simply just don't know what I want. More often than not, I leave decisions up to others. It's not that I'm afraid to say no, or anything like that, I just don't really care about a whole lot of stuff. That is not to say I'm not picky, because I am, ultra-picky even, just not about a large number of things. I have food issues galore, dealing with texture and taste, but mostly texture and will whine and piss and moan if my food is not to my liking. When it comes to cars, I have two requirements: manual transmission and it cannot be white or silver. Anything else isn't all that important.

Which brings me to my realization. I can do things that I decide upon doing. Sounds simple, right? Really, who the hell can't? This process is not always so simple for me, but I'm trying to figure out how to make it become simple. This past week makes the idea of knowing what I want, so I can get it, particularly appealing.

We had a gorgeous year old convertible. This car was not only impractical, it was pretty much above our means, but it was paid off, thanks to a large chunk of money blown last year. I loved it. It was the first car I've ever had that I picked just because I wanted it, rather than based on price, etc. Hmm, actually, typing that made me realize how when I finally decided what I wanted in a car, things came together quickly, and in a rather odd manner. Interesting.

Anyway, we suck with money and were having trouble paying our bills. Not fun. Bills kept stacking, as did my frustration level, which is never a good thing. When I get in that mood, I say "Fuck it" and do what I feel like doing that second. Then everything I've neglected falls apart and I end up doing things like borrowing money I can't pay back, or sleeping on my parents' sofa. Things were getting to that point, when I made a decision.

The car in the driveway that I loved was worth what had been a year's salary in some particularly bad years. Of course, it was paid off, we'd lose money since we only had it for a year, blah, blah, blah. Any manner of no's and shouldn't have to's popped up to protest. So I put it out of my mind and things didn't get any better financially. Wednesday night I decided enough was enough, I needed to do something. By 4AM Thursday morning, I figured out two car brands/styles that could replace the convertible and leave us with a decent amount of cash back. I figured out a magic number that seemed like a slight stretch, but reasonable, and started sending out quote requests.

Those were annoying and full of potential bait and switch advertising violations. One place hadn't bothered to call or email, but the others had irritated me so much, I decided to just go there and see. They had one of the acceptable replacements on the lot in manual, just like their website promised. I took it for a test drive, told the guy it was OK, I wasn't thrilled, that I'd probably go look at another brand first and go with the better deal. He asked if I'd be willing to take an aggressive deal right away. I told him it'd have to be pretty aggressive. He offered $550 less than my magic number to take home with me, I counter offered my magic number. At 5:30PM Thursday, I had a check with my magic number on it in my hands. Sweet!!