Crush

Lately I have been feeling something that I'm not sure I want to feel. Well, strike that, I've been feeling many things that I know I don't want to feel recently, but only one thing that seems strange to me. One thing that is different. One thing that is not the same old frustrating feelings.

I think I'm developing a crush on someone. That in itself isn't such a new thing. Well, it's a rather unused feeling as of late, but certainly not new. The way it's happening is new though. Usually when I decide I'm interested, it takes, oh, .2 seconds and WHAM!, there I am, completely and utterly infatuated. This crush is a long time in the making.

This crush, if that's what it truly is, has been building for over a year. Each time I see or talk to this person, I find a few more little things that I like, and he opens up a little more. Is this crush a mutual feeling? I'm not sure. Am I ever going to take a step to see if it is mutual? Eh, probably not.

Then why am I telling you this?

Simply because it's nice to know that underneath all of the anger and rage I've been feeling, that something else still lives within me. It's nice to know that maybe, just maybe, I'm approaching something in a correct manner for once. That guarding myself, while still letting someone in can happen. I don't have to open it all up immediately, or close it all off forever. Little by little, I feel more like a person and less like a victim of my life. That's got to count for something.